BATTLING MY DEMONS

Raising awareness for mental health is not limited to just one day; it is a daily commitment for those battling depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, PTSD, or any other mental health challenges.

Some illnesses may not be immediately apparent, as we may hide them behind a constant smile or appear to be functioning normally.

The effects of trauma can manifest in various forms, causing disruptions in mental and emotional well-being.

Navigating life’s depths can be a slow ascent; a single spark is all it takes to disrupt our equilibrium.

I discovered that all the emotions and memories I had attempted to suppress resurfaced to haunt me, and despite addressing them in therapy, they continued to resurface in my dreams.

It has required great strength not to let them defeat me, but I always remind myself that it is all in the past.

Dealing with your thoughts and emotions can be a real challenge when you don’t have the right tools to help you cope effectively.

Without the proper resources, my actions became destructive, leading me to unfairly vent my anger and frustration on unsuspecting individuals.

I was oblivious to my mistakes and behaved like the world was obligated to me.

I squandered countless hours dwelling on the unchangeable, adamantly rejecting the natural course of life.

I stole my happiness by having a pessimistic attitude. I was constantly suspicious of others and consumed by anger.

While it was evident that my trauma was not my fault, being a child at the time, I allowed it to mould my future and steal away the happiness that I could have obtained.

Unaware of the underlying issue, I stubbornly rejected the notion that my depression was also a medical condition.

I continued to deny that I had a problem in 2007, even after receiving a diagnosis of manic depression that puzzled psychiatric doctors for a while. This led me to abuse my medication.

I convinced myself that I wasn’t ill, just born under an unlucky alignment.

After multiple failed suicide attempts, I found myself being admitted to a psychiatric hospital.

I spent my entire life battling with my identity and facing my inner demons head-on.

In July 2018, I made my last desperate bid to escape life’s pain, but the threat of being confined to an institution forever jolted me awake.

After my Father passed away in February 2017, I struggled to see the value in my own life.

Consumed by grief, I clung tightly to the memories of the past, unable to move forward.

Letting go of my destructive habits was the key to finding clarity in my life. I knew that alcohol was slowly destroying me, so I decided to cut it out completely.

In October 2018, I decided to leave behind four years of destructive alcohol abuse and began actively participating in recovery meetings.

In April 2019, I decided to quit smoking tobacco and focused on improving my overall health and well-being.

I discovered that my true calling in life is to support and advocate for others.

After a decade of working with neuro patients, I expanded my expertise by representing Cancer patients.

I have learned the importance of prioritising self-care before tending to the needs of others.

Dealing with my illness is an ongoing battle that I have come to accept. It won’t simply vanish, so I must actively work to manage it and ensure I take my medication responsibly.

My way of navigating life’s challenges involves crafting blogs and books I write and share on my website. I also use art as a form of therapy to convey emotions when I am unable to find the right words.

I am driven by a deep desire to support those facing mental, emotional, and spiritual struggles in this challenging world.

To enhance my mental well-being, I have consciously avoided watching the news and instead focused on educating myself. I have also taken steps to distance myself from negative individuals and environments.

I realised the key to my healing was relinquishing control and trusting my higher power.

I set out on a journey to rediscover my true essence, releasing all preconceived notions and delving deep into my innermost self to uncover the core of my being.

I held onto the valuable lessons I had learned but let go of the beliefs hindering my progress in life.

2021 marked the beginning of my journey, and I continue to expand my knowledge and skills as I grow.

This serves as a genuine reflection of my journey. While I continue to face numerous mental obstacles on a daily basis, I strive to handle them to the best of my ability.

While improving myself, I still struggle with forming healthy relationships and friendships. I have decided to address these issues in therapy starting next month.

While I thoroughly enjoy my independence and freedom in my single life, I must remember to avoid isolating myself from others.

There are moments in life when the absence of a companion leaves you feeling isolated, longing for the comfort of a heartfelt embrace from someone who cherishes you deeply.

I must first focus on self-growth before entertaining the idea of relationships.

I will never be able to achieve perfection due to the struggles I face with managing the intense rage and self-directed anger within me.

My childhood was marked by a deep sense of powerlessness and despair, and my anger is consuming me.

The pain from my past experiences often causes me to act impulsively and lash out at those whom I perceive as irritating.

Thankfully, the situation has only involved heated words, but it came dangerously close to turning physical. Luckily, my friends intervened and prevented things from escalating further.

I am constantly at the mercy of my alter ego, unable to reign it in or make it disappear. It completely consumes me, leaving me powerless in its wake.

To control my anger, I avoid situations that may trigger me. Alternatively, I stay home and isolate myself if I wake up feeling enraged.

It has been observed that I can be quite a handful when experiencing manic episodes, as my behaviour can become erratic, and I may cross boundaries that I would never consider crossing when in a stable state.

Today, I embrace my true self and strive to lead a life filled with goodness, always mindful of my actions' impact on others.

I find it challenging due to my low tolerance level, but I feel most at ease when surrounded by nature and exploring cemeteries. These places allow me to find peace and gather my thoughts.

Every day, I pray to connect with my higher power and stay grounded and focused on my goals.

I must stay on track and evaluate my actions each night to see where to improve.

Living my life is no walk in the park, but pursuing my passions makes every struggle worth it.

In everything, there must be a balance.

Natalie M Bleau

Scripture of Balance