ESCAPE & RELEASE

I have an overactive imagination, and my mind constantly tries to process all the thoughts that come into my mind.

I could be conversing with others and sometimes forget what I say.

The truth is that I have at least three conversations going on in my head and tend to move off the subject and on to the next.

If I am not conversing with someone, I am deep in my thoughts, and if I am not careful, the odd dark ones will get in.

My mind is never at rest, and for the past six months, I have found a way of escaping.

I started a hobby that I never had any interest in whatsoever. I started painting and drawing all kinds of things that came into my mind. It started with landscapes, and now are scenes of people and places.

It’s my escape, the only time my mind is quiet. I do not feel anxious, distressed, or irritated.

I sit down, holding my pencil, and whatever comes to mind develops on the paper. It feels almost like composing a piece of music as I put all my expression into it.

It feels like being on another planet in another space or time where nothing exists other than myself and what I am doing.

This is where I find my peace and contentment, as well as when I am having my regular walk through the cemetery.

Finding a way to escape from my unhealthy thoughts and feelings is important because they do not exist and are created by me. I have to remind myself that all thoughts are not facts.

I remember when I thought being negative was the easiest way to live, as I believed that it was the solution to protecting me from feeling too disappointed ahead of time.

I was not living, just existing without hope of happiness, and my whole future stagnated.

I was living in constant fear when all was well and would try and drag myself back into the reality of my misery by wallowing in self-pity or finding something destructive to do.

‘I admit I fear happiness, success, or falling in love. So I hold back from all these things by not even acknowledging my little achievements, like authoring books, running my website, and having outstanding results in my studies.’

I take everything with a pinch of salt as I feel failure is approaching.

I do not have faith in myself or my abilities, and even when I prove myself wrong, I don’t make an issue of it.

This is where my unhealthy mind can take me at times.

Although I am not one to celebrate my achievements for more than a second, I am humbly grateful that I got the chance to prove to myself that there is a possibility that I am not completely thick.

Classical music is my other passion because it relaxes me and can be very expressive. There are many instruments for my ever-changing moods. I was raised on this music and always felt comforted by it.

I know most of the old-time composers and own a grand music collection. I can make up my own story for each composition.

The piano was the first instrument I was taught to play hence my fondness for classical music.

My favourite instrument is the old organ. I love hearing it play in the churches. In second place would be the violin, although it clutched at my heartstrings.

Nature is another way of escape as I plan to disappear into the countryside for a few days to do my reading and drawing. I love my alone time and feel I deserve a break after all the hard work I have done in the past six months.

Today I will reward myself with breaks to different locations in England and visit historical sites. It will give me some fresh ideas for my new book.

It may not be easy for everyone to find escape techniques, especially if they are in a committed relationship or have many children to look after. They will always find that the chores outweigh the possibility of ME TIME.

‘It is my choice to live alone, and although I have a busy schedule around my projects and maintaining myself, I can find time to escape from my environment. I am fortunate in many ways that I do not have any dependents and the freedom to do whatever I want.’

We must find time to try and escape the hustle and bustle of life if even for an hour we deserve that, even if it means going alone to a gig or the theatre.

Mindfulness is a good way of grounding yourself and releasing your tensions. If practised correctly can give that temporary release that we all need.

Stress is the world’s worst killer, leading to mental and physical illnesses.

You need to offload all the negative things you carry around, which add up during your week. I prefer a face-to-face intervention; however, I still meditate and pray to my highest power God.

In everything, there must be a balance.

Natalie Bleau

Scripture of Balance