FAILING MYSELF BEFORE I START
I have always had a passion for writing stories, as a child, I always remember when I was given homework, I would draft a story using at least six pages of my exercise book. My teacher would always mark my work last. I would always be rewarded with a gold star.
Art is not my favourite subject; I never could master it. I do not have the patience to concentrate on any painting or drawing. To this day I always say that ‘I do not have a creative bone in my body.’
I hear people around me who say, “I cannot do it, I am not as clever as you,’ the question is have you tried or is it that you just cannot be bothered.
The first eighteen years of my life was continuously studying and sitting exam papers, and this continued right throughout my life, even today, out of choice, I am still studying.
I still have doubts about my ability to excel at anything I do, for example when I have to sit an assessment, I always tend to think that I will not get a good grade.
The problem is that it is an obsession of mine to always get no less than 90%, if I get under, I berate myself, even if I pass.
There are some things that I know I can only do when I feel motivated to do it.
I have always lived on my own and I am capable of domestic and manual jobs around my flat. As a child, my Father and Mother taught me independence so that I would never have to rely on somebody else.
I dislike assembling furniture, but I have no choice but to do it. In my mind it is like doing art and I have already decided that I will make a mess of it, not that I ever have so far.
I am a thorough person and take pride in everything I do, even if it becomes time consuming .
I have this motto that, ‘if you’re not going to do something, properly don’t do it at all.’
Today, although I still have the obsession to achieve, I have since taught myself that if I have to fail at least I made the effort in the first place and I will get a second shot at it.
Beating yourself up is a waste of time as mistakes are made so that you can learn from them.
In everything there must be a balance.
The Scripture of Balance