Finding Contentment
Reflections on Growth and Gratitude
For years, contentment seemed a distant dream, overshadowed by the belief that something vital was missing from my life. I would often look at the lives of others, imagining their world to be perfect, yearning for what they had.
I felt isolated, as though fate had dealt me an unfair hand and God had somehow overlooked me in His plans.
Being the only woman in my family without children, I carried a sense of otherness — a lost sheep among those who appeared to have it all.
This perception had taken root deeply in my soul, convincing me that happiness was something I did not deserve.
In my misery, I allowed myself to spiral further into negativity, searching for reasons to wallow rather than seeking clarity.
The material blessings I had — however modest — escaped my notice entirely. I ignored the roof over my head, the food on my plate, and the privilege to enjoy experiences others might never afford. I was blind to what I held, consumed instead by what I lacked.
It wasn’t until the last few years that the fog began to lift. A quiet realisation dawned upon me: I was blessed in ways that truly mattered.
The things I had long mourned were not as essential as I had believed. The life choices I made, including my decision not to marry or have children, became sources of peace rather than regret.
I found solace in knowing that by abstaining from motherhood, I avoided the possibility of perpetuating my unhappiness and pain onto innocent lives.
The children I might have had were spared the weight of my struggles, and I felt gratitude for not having caused harm where it might have rooted deeply.
Life has not been without challenges. Loss, heartbreak, and the consequences of my indulgences in substances left me a shell of who I once was.
Losing my Beloved Father remains one of my greatest sorrows, a void no healing could fill. Yet, through this grief and hardship, I began to surrender — to let go of the bitterness and self-inflicted wounds that had marred my existence.
In 2022, a turning point emerged. When I let go of everything weighing me down, I found the contentment I had so desperately sought.
Today, there are experiences I still wish to embrace and dreams I hope to realise. But my heart is steady; it no longer aches for what it cannot have. I place my faith and trust in God’s timing, believing that my journey still holds moments of joy and discovery.
Gratitude fills me as I reflect on the blessings He has already bestowed. In this moment, I am content with my path, my choices, and the simple yet profound beauty of a life reshaped by grace and introspection.
Contentment, I’ve learned, isn’t birthed from perfection or abundance. It grows in the fertile soil of gratitude, nourished by the realisation that what we have, however modest, is enough.
It is the quiet acceptance of life as it unfolds, coupled with faith that the days ahead may bring new blessings to savour. And in this truth, I find not only peace but profound joy.
In everything, there must be a balance.
Natalie M Bleau
Scripture of Balance
