I HAD TO AIM FOR THE BULLSEYE

My mantra can be interpreted in various ways by different individuals.

A person commented and asked if this was for International Women’s Day?

I couldn’t help but chuckle at how effortlessly we turn everything into a discussion about inequalities.

It’s undeniable that they may have been correct, but I believe that we can all benefit from my experience no matter what we identify as.

I designed this poster as a gentle nudge to remind us that settling for less should never be an option. We should always aim high in everything we do, so that we can reflect on our lives without any regrets for the time we’ve spent doing nothing.

Throughout my lifetime, I’ve encountered many people who have admitted to selling themselves short, and this sentiment truly strikes a chord with me.

Based on my personal experience, my self-doubt led me to believe that my dreams were unattainable, and I still struggle with this at times.

My insecurities and lack of self-worth kept me stuck in a state of stagnation, causing me to make impulsive decisions that ultimately did not benefit me in the long term.

During my time at secondary school, I strived for mediocrity due to my lack of motivation and constant distractions. Despite my desire to become a lawyer, I was unwilling to put in the necessary effort and dedication to achieve that goal.

Throughout my twenties and into my late thirties, I found myself stuck in jobs that I had no passion for.

Looking back, it felt like a waste of time, but I chalked it up to gaining valuable experience.

It’s astonishing to think about the amount of mistreatment I endured from some of the managers before finally being made redundant, which ultimately served as a way out of a situation that was never going to benefit me.

Working with young ex-offenders opened my eyes to the time I had wasted living in my own self-imposed prison. As I motivated them to reach their full potential, I couldn’t help but reflect on how much more I could achieve if I broke free from my own limitations.

Helping those who relied on me ignited a fire within me, giving me a sense of meaning and satisfaction. However, I struggled to disconnect and unwind once I left work.

I was lost, unsure of my true identity and what I truly desired in life. I continued to make poor choices and bad decisions in my personal life, leading me down a path of emptiness and regret.

The greatest sorrow struck when my beloved Father fell ill and eventually passed away a few years later. Despite the pain of his loss, his words of wisdom before he left this world remained etched in my heart.

It took me a year and a half after my Fathers demise to break free from the addiction that was slowly destroying me. It then took an additional three years to finally awaken from the haze of the chaos I had created in my life.

I had to snap out of my illusions and put an end to being a pushover for others to take advantage of.

There’s a saying that you only live once, but I’ve come to realise that you live every day and only die once.

For 44 years, I lived as if I was already dead, clinging to past misfortunes and believing I was unhappy. It was time to let go of the past and start living.

It all began with committing to a program of sobriety and retraining my mind to break free from the opinions and influences of others.

During the pandemic, I dedicated myself to taking multiple courses in subjects that I was passionate about. Despite achieving outstanding results, I still had doubts and questioned whether my score was a mistake, highlighting my lack of self-belief.

With the support of a few family members and relatives who believed in me, I began to embrace independent thinking and found the strength to humbly acknowledge that I was indeed an amazing, talented individual.

I refuse to let the people from my past who treated me as insignificant and doubted my abilities define me. I have proven them wrong and will continue to strive for excellence, aiming to be the best version of myself.

“To all the haters, your opinions and judgements of me in the past hold no weight now. I am Natalie Bleau, and I have reclaimed the power I once gave you. Take a good look at yourself and reflect on where you stand today.”

Once I was able to confidently declare and truly believe these words, my journey truly began.

It doesn’t matter how late in life you start, as long as you are willing to put in the effort and do the work to make positive changes.

It wasn’t until I took a step back and truly examined who I, Natalie, really am - what I want, my likes and dislikes - without being swayed by outside opinions or influences, and without worrying about any potential critics.

It’s like you’ve been living in a bubble your whole life, thinking you were a lone wolf, only to discover that you were actually just another sheep in the herd, blindly following the shepherd’s lead to keep the flock content.

You then come to realise this bubble was holding you back all this time, but now that it has burst, you are able to fully embrace and align with your true self, finding peace and fulfillment in living authentically and in tune with your own unique rhythm.

In a world where the media dictates our perceptions and beliefs, we are bombarded with advertisements that promote unrealistic standards of beauty and identity. It’s a wonder that we haven’t all succumbed to the pressure and ended up confined in institutions, unable to break free from the societal expectations imposed upon us.

In a world consumed by superficiality and materialism, the virtues of decency, kindness, and good character often take a backseat. It’s as if these qualities have been neglected or forgotten amidst the constant barrage of external influences and societal pressures.

Being loving, kind, honest, and caring comes at no cost, yet it seems to have little value in the marketplace.

Violence, corruption, gossip, slander, and sex are the topics that seem to garner the most attention and interest.

The content we consume has the power to mould our hearts and souls.

I have to confess, I find stories of true crime and horror fascinating, but that doesn’t mean I condone violence or dabble in the occult.

I have never been drawn to British soap operas that depict a trashy lifestyle, even though such things exist in reality. Yet, I often find myself being questioned by friends about a character as if it were a real-life event.

I’m not one to binge-watch TV, but I have a soft spot for history, emergency service documentaries and period dramas.

I have a passion for reading and can easily devour five books in a week if I have the opportunity. Some of the books I’ve read were not originally on my reading list, but I always welcome new literary discoveries.

I don’t idolise celebrities because I believe they are just regular people. However, I do have respect for those who choose to stay out of the spotlight and avoid being featured in gossip columns.

By the grace of God, I was given wisdom and strength.

I have gratitude to the few people that have supported and encouraged me in my endeavours, I have been able to continue on this journey called life and become the change I wish to be in this world.

It has been challenging to be my own critic, to delve into my mind, and to acknowledge my internal flaws and character defects. This process is ongoing and requires continuous effort and self-reflection.

I could have stayed trapped in the past, wasting time on fruitless endeavours and depriving myself of real happiness and contentment.

I didn’t. I chose to believe in myself.

I could have easily let myself be consumed by the negativity of those who once despised me, leading me to a dark place.

Instead, I chose to rise above them and write my own story.

I could have succeeded in ending my life, leaving behind a trail of devastation for those who truly cared for me.

But with the help of God and the unwavering support of those who stood by me, I chose to aim high and began to love and appreciate the person I am today.

I continue to battle against the spirits of hate, negativity, doubt, self-pity, fear, and those that attempt to bring me down when I am at my most vulnerable.

The battle against my mental health challenges continues to weigh me down, but I hold onto faith and believe that I will overcome. I remind myself that these thoughts are not facts.

The knowledge that my Father is no longer suffering serves as a source of comfort and strength for me, especially when I am reminded of the pain he endured.

While I may not have control over my anxious thoughts about my Mother, siblings and relatives, I strive to be there for them when they need me.

While it may not be simple, I choose to maintain a optimistic attitude rather than succumb to negativity.

In celebration of International Women’s Day, and every day for every individual who struggles with embracing themselves.

Natalie Bleau ☆

on behalf of Scripture of Balance