MIND OVER MATTERS

Isn’t it peculiar how, when consumed by anxiety, our bodies can manifest physical discomfort?

Personally, I find solace within the confines of my home, but the moment I make the choice to venture beyond, sleep eludes me, and a wave of sickness washes over me.

In anticipation of the event, I had made prior arrangements to secure a hotel room for the night, ensuring I wouldn't have to hurriedly catch the late train back home. The excitement had been building up, and I eagerly awaited the occasion.

However, as the evening approached, an overwhelming restlessness consumed me, preventing me from resting.

My anxiety and panic levels soared, hindering any chance of a relaxed sleep.

I woke up only to be greeted by an overwhelming surge of nausea.

A sense of unease washed over me, as I realised that I would be away from the comfort of my own home until the following day.

I understand that this may seem excessive, but this is the level of intensity I experience whenever I am away from home.

I sought solace in prayer to find peace in this unsettling circumstance and managed to find a balance.

Rather than eagerly awaiting an event, what truly affects me is the awareness of venturing beyond my familiar surroundings, even if a vacation means it is out of reach for now.

I am captivated by the notion of embarking on a relaxing escape, beginning with brief breaks, yet I must proceed with caution.

Upon reaching the hotel, I couldn't help but notice that it didn't quite meet my expectations. However, compared to the dreadful experience I had during my previous visit, it was a significant improvement.

As I stepped foot inside, a wave of memories from my previous trip came rushing back, reminding me of the sheer horror I had endured.

The revolting hotel I had stayed in had left such a lasting impact on me that I had stayed awake all night, eagerly awaiting the earliest opportunity to escape on the next available train.

As we reached our destination, a glimmer of hope flickered within me, praying that I wouldn’t be greeted by yet another disheartening sight of a worn-out, sticky, and dusty room.

Although I tend to be more critical than the average customer, I surprisingly found myself content with the average room and refrained from excessive complaints.

I couldn't help but notice that the room was engulfed in darkness due to the curtains, and an overwhelming sense of suffocation began to consume me.

Fortunately, my mother was by my side, and together, we decided to slightly open the curtains

My anxiety presents a significant challenge when it comes to sleeping in unfamiliar beds. It seems that no matter where I am, I struggle to find comfort and peace of mind. Worries of various kinds consume my thoughts, making it difficult to relax and drift off to sleep.

Interestingly, the darkness itself does not bother me when I am in the comfort of my own home.

Embarking on vacations or business trips to foreign lands has always been a cherished desire of mine. However, the intricate web of psychological barriers that entangle my mind poses a significant challenge. Alas, my longing to explore other countries remains hindered by the shackles of my mental health condition.

I remain sceptical that hypnosis alone could provide a solution, as it fails to alleviate my awareness of basic hygiene practices or my persistent sense of paranoia.

I prefer to surround myself with individuals who share similar values and understand the importance of personal space when required.

In everything, there must be a balance.

Natalie M Bleau

Scripture of Balance