OUTSIDE OF MY MIND
Imagine the freedom to disconnect from everything that weighs you down — the negative thoughts, emotions, and feelings that constantly plague your mind. Just imagine being able to live genuinely unencumbered by the burdens of the past.
You can only be halfway there once you have fully embraced, addressed, and found a solution.
Regrettably, we must accept that wounds may resurface, and pain may linger, casting us into the shadows of reliving it in our minds.
With the proper tools and strategies, we can embrace the memory and steer it in the direction we choose to reside or consign it to the depths of hell.
I have faced this struggle countless times and understand that it will persist until my last breath.
However, as long as I remain resilient, each day lived is another victory.
Every day I survive must be valued, for the outcome of tomorrow’s battle is unknown.
It would be a dream to escape my constant thoughts, but it is impossible.
Even in my dreams, my racing mind never seems to rest, leaving me feeling like I am sleeping awake.
Every morning, I struggle to muster the energy to greet the day as exhaustion weighs heavily on me.
Last Friday afternoon, exhaustion had taken hold of me entirely, and my speech was slurred. My hands trembled as I struggled to sign my name at the chemist.
The strain of physical activity paled compared to my overwhelming mental fatigue. My vision began to blur as my body went on autopilot, dragging my feet as I trudged my way home.
Exercise triggers the release of beneficial chemicals in the body, while the excessive strain on my brain signals when it is time to take a break.
Life presents us with choices, and while it may be tempting for me to give up and give in, I remember that doing so will only close the book on my journey.
Even though it might feel like the more straightforward option to abandon hope or yield to pessimism, doing so will only compound the challenges ahead.
No matter what, you will always face life’s obstacles. However, by refusing to give up, you will reap the rewards of overcoming these challenges and gain valuable lessons and the resilience needed to persevere.
The constant addictions we turn to temporarily escape reality, whether it be drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, or the internet, is the reason I selected the name for this blog because how else can one quiet the relentless torment of the mind without some assistance?
When given the right tools and a spiritual program to follow, we can heal and transform.
Access to the necessary resources allows us to reflect on our concerns and strategize effective solutions.
Although we may not be able to correct the wrongs that we have done, we have the power to grant forgiveness for ourselves and those around us, allowing our souls to be freed.
Clutching onto the past hinders our progress towards growth. We remain stagnant, trapped in a cycle of reliving past events with bitterness and fury.
Acceptance is essential. You cannot change the past; instead, you must confront it to move forward without getting stuck.
I am satisfied with the advancements I have accomplished in the past decade by following the guidance of wisdom and rationality.
I acknowledge and make peace with things beyond my power to change, including individuals, past occurrences, and various other aspects of life.
I do not believe in extracting goodness through force, so I remove anything that does not align with it.
Courage is found in confronting my fears and acting to change what I can, without hesitation, to speak out against injustice.
I acknowledge that my fears stem from avoiding experiences due to the fear of rejection or feeling inadequate. I avoided getting too close to people because I could not give and receive love healthily.
I never truly felt like I belonged until I joined the fellowship. Here, I found individuals who could empathise with my struggles and share their challenges. What stood out to me was their ability to acknowledge and be transparent about their emotions.
I encountered the God of my understanding in these rooms — a deity of Love and forgiveness. I understood that He was the sole authority I needed to answer to and that my bond with Him was a personal, intimate connection between Him and me. It was through his mercy that I found the strength to no longer seek to end my own life.
God provided me with a reason to keep going and equipped me with the means to confront my internal struggles.
I am confident that God led me to this fellowship, and while I am aware that not everyone will be supportive, I have found my chosen people within these walls.
I have found a place in a tight-knit home group where I care deeply for everyone, knowing they accept me just as I am.
I have always felt welcomed with open arms and love, never once made to feel inadequate or unworthy.
I now dare to confront challenges head-on, but when it comes to relationships, I still have a way to go as I continue to embrace my solitude.
I no longer need to search for ways to escape my mind, as I have discovered the continuous solution of embracing the wisdom I have gained.
I face life’s challenges daily, yet resisting the temptation to isolate myself and abandon everything I have worked hard for is a constant struggle.
Finding support in the fellowship by simply being present with others and understanding their challenges motivates me to continue. Knowing I am genuinely needed gives me a sense of purpose and fulfilment.
After years of absorbing my Beloved Father’s wisdom, I am grateful for its grounding.
I continue to mourn his loss, a process that may never truly end, but I am learning to cope more positively and constructively.
In everything, there must be a balance.
Natalie M Bleau
Scripture of Balance
