SHAPING YOUR REALITY
Heartbreak is a common occurrence in life. Trauma, loss, shattered dreams, pain, and feeling trapped can all rob us of our happiness.
Life is full of unexpected twists and turns that we may be unable to control. Sometimes, we are simply at the mercy of life’s unpredictable nature.
Occasionally, we make choices without considering their impact on others, acting carelessly and without considering the consequences.
I have made decisions I could have easily avoided, ultimately causing unnecessary harm to myself.
I firmly believe specific experiences are necessary for personal growth, learning, and sharing wisdom.
From my perspective, it may not be beneficial to heed the experiences of others if you have not yet had the opportunity to navigate life yourself. Only when you are faced with decisions can you truly appreciate and consider the advice of others.
Sometimes, individuals may believe they are safeguarding you by sharing negative information, yet they fail to recognise that they hinder your ability to have a positive experience.
By constantly feeding you negativity, they unknowingly prevent you from approaching situations with an open mind and ultimately sabotage your chances of finding joy and fulfilment.
Rather than instructing individuals on constructing barriers around themselves, educating them on connecting with their emotions and utilising their intuition to make thoughtful choices is more beneficial.
Before I even hit my teenage years, I had been conditioned to think that 99% of men were evil and solely intent on exploiting and mistreating women.
There were no concrete truths, only the narratives of women who made poor choices with their romantic partners.
My Father was the first man I knew, and he was indeed a remarkable man, loyal and faithful until the very end.
He possessed a strong moral compass, dedicating himself to diligent work and providing for his loved ones. His integrity was unquestionable, and no soul could find fault with his character.
Finding someone with those qualities would have been quite a challenge.
I entered the realm of romance later than most, and with a mindset already scarred, my chances were slim from the start.
Growing up, we were taught the importance of commitment and marriage, instilling the values of being proper ladies.
My naivety and tendency to jump to conclusions drove a wedge in my relationship from the beginning. My accusations only served to push them further away.
A strong and healthy relationship is founded on trust. You will never progress if you remain pessimistic and have negative relationship beliefs.
Therefore, I found myself unattached, as my first relationship was never destined for success. Rather than finding joy and contentment in the moment, I was consumed by unwarranted suspicion and guilt.
I would allow my beliefs and pessimistic thoughts to destroy my relationships. The potential happiness I could have experienced without exposure to the negativity surrounding men would have greatly benefited me.
At the age of 52, I returned to therapy to focus on improving my relationships and friendships, and I realised that I still have much to learn in this area of my life.
I discovered I could have entered marriage and started a family with the necessary tools.
I would have freed myself from being consumed by guilt and shame from outdated beliefs that lingered within me.
Despite everything, I can still cultivate a meaningful relationship with a partner in the future, should I choose to pursue it.
I wish I had dared to take control of my life and make decisions for myself instead of letting others’ opinions dictate my path.
I am a novice to romantic love. I once was lost in a sea of uncertainty and lacked a proper understanding of myself.
For the past three years, I have dedicated myself to unravelling the layers of my true self and finding my authentic identity.
I am navigating the final puzzle piece, focusing on nurturing and sustaining positive friendships and relationships.
I have a clear idea of the kind of people I want to surround myself with in my inner circle and romantic relationships. I have a checklist of qualities that I consider essential in a partner.
The highest form of dignity is having self-respect and showing respect towards others.
An independent, self-sufficient individual requiring no assistance or supervision.
It may seem amusing, but I have encountered individuals who are lacking in both self-awareness and assertiveness.
Someone who is profoundly connected to their spiritual essence and possesses a profound self-awareness. They exude a sense of wisdom and embody the virtues of genuineness.
Individuals who admit their mistakes without pointing fingers and spend time listening rather than speaking. To uplift and motivate others around them.
My kind of people are willing to welcome me with open arms, embrace my true self, and grant me the liberty to express who I am.
Through my past experiences, I have clarified the qualities and dynamics I do not desire in a relationship.
Discovering my true self revealed the deep well of self-loathing that resided within me.
In the past, my acceptance of less than I deserved was not born out of loneliness but rather a reflection of my uncertainty about my identity and aspirations in life.
Although approaching middle age may seem intimidating, I am not daunted by it. Instead, I am steadfast in my commitment to accept and embrace life as it unfolds.
In the past, I would often look back and envy those who had successfully married and started a family, as I saw only the aspects that I thought I desired.
In recent years, most individuals I have encountered have already formed their own opinions about my situation — assuming that I am contentedly married and fully embracing all that life has to offer.
When I questioned their belief, they explained that it was due to my mannerisms. I remain reserved, not seeking the spotlight or validation from others, while consistently demonstrating respect.
Embracing a pessimistic mindset allowed me to detach from caring about the outcomes, ensuring I would never fully invest in anyone. I was always on the edge, with one foot in and the other poised to escape at any moment.
My life was not about me; it was about serving others and making a difference in their lives.
Today is different. I have dedicated myself to reshaping my thoughts and working to achieve a sense of balance in my life.
I have realised that prioritising my well-being is essential for fully embracing life and nurturing my relationships with those I love and care about.
In everything, there must be a balance.
Natalie M Bleau
Scripture of Balance
