TAKING BACK CONTROL OF MY EXISTENCE
IS IT TO LATE TO BREAK THE CYCLE
Isn't it ironic how, in the present day, many of us have just come to the realization that our evolution has been stagnant?
The very patterns of behavior that we once deemed unhealthy and abusive within our community, we have now embraced and made the norm.
This cycle perpetuates itself relentlessly across generations. We prioritize punishment over love, and then we're left perplexed as to why our children struggle to grow and develop.
Instead of solely attributing our current predicament to our ancestors, we must acknowledge that we had the power to break free from this vicious cycle of dysfunctional behavior.
Instead of solely scrutinizing the crimes committed by our youth, let us delve deeper into the underlying causes of their actions.
Their souls yearn to express the anguish of their past, where they were deprived of love and understanding due to inattentive adults.
We hold accountability as the source of the issue, but regrettably, instead of offering constructive guidance, we resort to mistreating and condemning them.
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The unjust treatment inflicted upon me by my tribe was an egregious wrongdoing that should have never occurred, let alone been brushed aside. The entirety of the situation was far from ordinary, yet it was eventually disregarded and faded into oblivion for some.
This madness, which I endured, molded my thoughts and emotions, leaving behind an indelible mark of inferiority within me. Although I did not resort to a life of crime, I did subject myself to self-inflicted punishment simply for being who I am.
One might assume that as I entered adulthood, I would have simply let go of it and moved forward in life.
However, it clung to me relentlessly, accompanying me on my journey, wreaking havoc on my heart, soul, and most distressingly, my mind.
Within me, a monstrous entity emerged, harboring an abundance of pent-up fury.
Like countless others, I too bear the weight of my trauma, just like an invisible burden that clings to my being.
However, the unfortunate consequence is that innocent souls have been inadvertently affected by its presence.
Luckily, my conscience guides me, enabling me to be truthful and selfless, liberating them from wasting their resources on a futile endeavor.
I must confess, I never led anyone on; I was always transparent about my inability to fully commit and never concealed any of my imperfections.
However, the most significant penalty I inflicted upon myself was the countless years squandered in a state of self-pity.
I regretfully acknowledge that I allowed precious decades of my existence to slip away, consumed by this destructive mindset.
People frequently inquire about the path that led me to surrender. Reflecting upon it now, I deeply lament not attaining improvement earlier.
It was only through enduring immense anguish and the devastating departure of my beloved Father that I truly comprehended the potential within myself.
Little did I know that the most recent endeavor to terminate my existence would mark the commencement of an extraordinary metamorphosis, one that I could have never fathomed.
Although it didn’t cure my mental illness, it compelled me to confront my self-destructive tendencies head-on.
I delved deep into self-examination, studying myself with unwavering intensity, and embarked on a transformative journey of self-recreation.
I yearned to rediscover the profound self-love that once embraced me within my mother's womb.
It wasn't about altering my appearance, for I was never repulsive. Every feature of mine was perfectly aligned, my face adorned with symmetry. In the eyes of God, I radiated beauty.
I relinquished myself to the divine presence each day, vowing to refrain from entering another relationship until I had truly healed and transformed myself.
I find solace in the fact that I made the conscious decision not to bring children into this world, sparing them from the potential anguish and torment caused by my uncompromising convictions and behaviors.
I am relieved that I have not left a legacy of genuine sorrow in my wake, as I would never subject anyone to a life of misguided optimism when I am aware that they could find happiness with someone of sounder mind.
Today, I am filled with an invigorating sense of rejuvenation, as if I have been granted a fresh start. It is a day where I can fearlessly embark on uncharted paths, embracing the opportunity to explore novel approaches and relinquish the weight of seriousness that once burdened me.
In this newfound liberation, my thoughts and emotions are unshackled, free to roam without constraint.
I am unburdened by the expectations and regulations imposed by others, for I am the sole author of my own rules.
With a clear conscience, I can authentically express myself, unencumbered by the need to conform or please anyone but myself.
I have reached a point where the opinions and judgments of others hold no sway over me.
I have made a conscious choice to live my life in a manner that brings me joy, as long as it does not cause harm to anyone else.
While I will always maintain self-respect and establish personal boundaries, I am no longer relinquishing my power to others.
Through intense therapy, I have undergone a transformative journey, confronting my inner demons instead of evading them.
This profound experience has granted me a deeper understanding of my true self and the extent to which I have permitted others to wield influence over my life.
With newfound wisdom, I reclaim the power that I had relinquished to those who shattered my spirit or hindered the potential opportunities that could have flourished.
Healing cannot be rushed; it unfolds gradually over an extensive journey.
Initially, I must acknowledge the profound influence that this past trauma has had on every aspect of my existence.
I must confront the fact that I have allowed this trauma to hold dominion over my entire being.
Each issue must be approached with a rational mindset, carefully dissected and addressed.
And ultimately, I must find the strength within to forgive the past, liberating myself from its clutches.
To truly embrace forgiveness, I must release the grip of bitterness that has consumed my thoughts.
Though I cannot alter the events of my past, I can acquire the wisdom to navigate my reactions to those memories.
Acknowledging that these experiences have contributed to my present mental well-being, I refuse to succumb to their destructive power, for that would grant victory to darkness itself.
The voices in my mind may persist, but I possess the power to calm them.
Despite being disregarded as the least significant member of my tribe, I am fully aware of my importance to others.
Even when individuals only reach out to me when they require assistance, I hold value in my usefulness.
Even if I am unwelcome due to the embarrassment my illness may cause, I find solace in the love bestowed upon me by higher power.
There is nothing that irks me more than the unsettling sensation of being intimidated and manipulated.
Consequently, I firmly reclaim my power, refusing to let anyone diminish my strength.
No memory shall escape your mind, yet liberation lies in forgiving those who have caused you harm.
And now, forgive yourself for permitting the anguish to smother you all these years.
Thus, the path to healing commences...
Embrace the dawn of a fresh expedition in your life,
For if there is still time, you can break free from the cycle that hindered your growth...
