THE DEBT TRAP

I am writing this to emphasise the risks associated with poor debt management. My personal experience has opened my eyes to the dangers of this and left me feeling traumatised.

The cycle of debt is when you continually take on more debt than you can repay.

Some may perceive me as prideful because I am more inclined to give than receive. I consider an individual’s circumstances, especially if they struggle to support their children without assistance or are senior citizens.

Although my hesitation may offend them, I am considering the broader perspective.

Some may assume that elderly individuals do not need much money as they may not have much time left, but they could outlive their children.

Senior citizens who have diligently saved for their future are vulnerable to financial exploitation.

Lending money can create a cycle where the individual repays you once but then continues to ask for more. This cycle can become detrimental if you refuse to lend again; it may strain the relationship.

The individual may view you as their go-to when they are in financial trouble and have exhausted all their resources. This can lead to a situation of financial abuse, where you are repeatedly taken advantage of.

I have been a part of a support group for many years, where I have had the opportunity to interact with individuals from diverse backgrounds. I have a knack for connecting with people and making them feel welcomed, supported, and motivated.

Years later, one group member reached out to me in distress. They explained that they had no money to buy groceries and asked if I could lend them some money. I have always lived by my aunt Maria’s motto, “Neither a lender nor a borrower be.”

Despite my usual reluctance to lend money, I felt compassion for the individual and decided to break my golden rule. A one-time exception would be acceptable if he repaid me as promised.

I loaned him the money, and he honoured his commitment by paying me back as agreed.

A few weeks later, I received another request for £50but had to decline this time. The individual reminded me that they had repaid me the last time.

He attempted to make a desperate appeal to my compassionate nature. I was not naive; I could see through his manipulation of my emotions.

A person in a desperate state who is truly at risk of harming themselves will not resort to such tactics.

I clarified to him that the previous lending was a one-time occurrence and that I was unwilling to let it become a recurring cycle. I advised him to be more mindful of his spending habits and take better care of his finances.

Unfortunately, the individual reacted negatively towards my decision.

This situation highlights money’s power over people and how it can strain relationships.

It is important to remember that my money belongs to me, and I am not obligated to lend it to anyone.

It became apparent that I had decided to hold on to hisrequests for money.

I later learned that the individual had a gambling addiction and was spending all his money at betting shops, which was the root cause of his financial troubles.

It was a valuable lesson for me to be cautious and discerning when it comes to lending money, especially when there are underlying issues like addiction involved.

Over a decade ago, I struggled with an addiction to spending money whenever I experienced manic or depressive episodes.

However, unlike the individual who borrowed from me, I sought financial assistance from banks and other financial institutions rather than relying on borrowing from hardworking individuals.

It was a challenging time for me, but I eventually sought help and worked towards overcoming my addiction.

I agree that accumulating debts is ultimately one’s responsibility, regardless of the circumstances.

In my case, my unhealthy way of coping with my mental health issues led me to accumulate debts.

The pressure of dealing with the overwhelming letters from creditors became too much for me to handle, and I reached a breaking point that resulted in a suicide attempt and hospitalisation.

It was a wake-up call for me to seek help and address my mental health issues more healthily.

I took full responsibility for my actions and sought guidance from a debt agency, which advised me to file for bankruptcy.

While some may view bankruptcy as an easy way out, I can attest that it was far from it. It was a complex and challenging process, but ultimately, it allowed me to take control of my financial situation and start fresh.

Having always been a law-abiding citizen, I thought the thought of going to the Royal Courts of Justice to file for bankruptcy and await a decision devastating.

After being granted bankruptcy hours later, I realised it was just the beginning of my troubles. The shame of being black-listed was overwhelming, especially when one of my banks sent me a scathing letter informing me that I would never be welcome to join them again.

I felt like a criminal as I was assigned to an adjudication officer who began interrogating me relentlessly for the first six months.

It’s ironic how vividly I recall when I went to pay my money at the court. The kind lady behind the window reassured me, saying, “Don’t look so worried. It’s your first time. Some people have been through this several times.”

Her words did little to calm me, as all I felt was overwhelming guilt and shame. Most of the money I owed was due to the excessive interest added to credit cards or loans I had taken out. I’m not seeking excuses for my mistakes but rather acknowledging them.

Imagine if I had taken up my Father’s offer to bail me out. I would have felt a billion times worse than I already did. How could I have justified taking my Father’s hard-earned savings to cover my careless behaviour? I would never be able to live it down.

Just because he is my Father does not mean I am entitled to his money, especially when I did not work for it. I am an adult and must take full responsibility for my careless choices and actions.

I would never want to deprive anyone of their hard-earned money, as it was my fault for spending beyond my means and using money that wasn’t mine. I learned my lesson well and have never been in that position again.

My Father was the best financial advisor I ever had. He provided for me as a child and advised me and many others on saving money.

In hindsight, we will always be in debt, as we must constantly stay ahead of our bills and expenses.

Another scenario is when people offer me money but refuse to take it because I do not want to be accountable to them. Money cannot buy love, acceptance, friendships, or loyalty.

Some people would be more than willing to take advantage of someone else’s finances without a second thought.

ADVICE

If you are experiencing financial difficulties, seek financial help. Borrowing will not solve the problem and will lead to more debt.

Don’t buy what you cannot afford. As an adult, you are responsible for how you spend your money, and if you have a poor relationship with money, seek help.

Don’t bring anyone else down with you. It is not fair to deprive someone of their money for your mistakes.

Don’t make borrowing a habit by overspending.

I am grateful that I no longer have any clouds of debt hanging over me, and I pray that I never find myself in that situation again. I prefer to go hungry than accumulate debts.

When I strongly desire something, I prioritise my needs over my wants by saving up for it.

The main problem in society today is the prevalence of borrowers who do not learn their lesson and continue to subject themselves to unnecessary stress. There is a lot of encouragement out there that perpetuates this cycle.

When I was finally free, and my name was cleared from the black-list, I could have become complacent and started the cycle of debts again. However, the whole experience has left me traumatised and determined to avoid falling into that trap again.

The loan and credit card companies sent me applications again, and the shops offered store cards. I found myself being abrupt towards them, as I wanted to avoid getting back into a cycle of debt.

To me, ‘constantly getting yourself’ in debt is equivalent to committing a crime, as it leads you down a path where you lack a conscience and don’t care how or what you do to gain money.

NB Before the Bankruptcy Act 1869, debtors in England were routinely imprisoned for their creditors’ pleasure. Around 10,000 people in England and Wales were in prison for debt in 1641, often for small amounts.

You may only speak to someone when you need money. Your conversations revolve around money, and your whole character becomes distasteful.

Just as adverts on cigarettes have been banned due to their harmful effects, the temptation of advertising credit should also be prohibited.

A vetting system should be implemented to identify individuals struggling to repay debts. This would require them to attend a mandatory debt management class and help them stick to an affordable repayment plan.

My Father always advised me to opt for a loan when I needed money and to steer clear of credit cards to avoid being stuck in a cycle of never-ending payments.

Some individuals are forced to live hand to mouth, carefully tracking their expenses and avoiding debt unless necessary for a life-or-death emergency.

These individuals will likely avoid falling into ‘the debt trap’ as they prioritise their needs over their wants.

Struggling to keep up with payments is common, especially when facing a loss of income. It’s important not to let debts pile up — seek assistance and live within your means. I consider myself lucky to have a second chance at life, which allows me to share my journey of experience, strength and hope with others.

AVOID LETTING DEBT PUSH YOU INTO MAKING DESPERATE CHOICES.

Author Natalie M Bleau