THE SOLITARY STRUGGLE

As a solitary fighter, I must acknowledge that only myself and my faith in God will provide for me.

I must rely on my strength and resilience to persevere.

While I have various strengths, there are moments when I employ them in ways that are not beneficial to my well-being.

Yet, no matter how hard I try, patience remains an elusive trait I cannot grasp.

Regardless of my preconceived notions, my heart truly goes out to anyone experiencing pain or hardship.

Not everyone possesses a natural inclination towards empathy and compassion.

The downside of this gift is my inability to disconnect.

Selfishness is a foreign concept to me, as I consistently prioritise the needs of others above my own.

Neglecting my well-being poses a significant risk and is detrimental to my health.

As the saying goes, “Who takes care of the caretaker?”

My Father used to tell me that I carry the world’s weight on my shoulders.

Caring and compassion are inherent to my nature; these qualities cannot be coerced.

Although I have never experienced motherhood firsthand, I have been described as having strong maternal instincts.

During group therapy sessions, I make a conscious effort to prioritise the well-being of all those around me.

I am not tasked with that responsibility as a patient; it is the therapist’s responsibility to handle it.

I find it difficult to resist the urge to control everything in my life, but I realise that I need to let go and stop trying to micromanage every aspect of my surroundings.

Only when I hit rock bottom do I finally understand the importance of self-care, knowing that there is only me.

There are moments when I overlook the need to step back, but thankfully, my Mother or Aunt are always there to gently remind me to pause and reevaluate.

My sister always reminds me that you can’t give what you don’t have, like pouring from an empty cup.

Despite my ongoing challenge to prioritise my well-being, I have been actively working on setting boundaries.

I stick to a daily routine that enables me to concentrate on keeping equilibrium in my life.

I have learned to embrace my empathetic nature, but I have also realised the significance of recognising when it is necessary to let go of the weight of someone else’s problems.

Tomorrow, it will be eight years since my beloved Father died.

I will continue to uphold the tradition by lighting a candle in his memory, paying tribute to his life and the love he brought into mine.

Even though I have accepted the fact that my Father is no longer with us, I have yet to grieve. Instead, I have been focused on ensuring the well-being of those around me.

Although my heart remains shattered, I find solace in immersing myself in writing and reading to avoid confronting the painful reality of my loss.

There are moments when I find myself pausing, and if my thoughts start to drift towards grief, I make a conscious effort to strengthen my resolve.

I do cry and miss him deeply, but I am mindful of maintaining my mental well-being.

Perhaps not the most ideal approach, but I am determined to avoid the prison of my mind.

I am a compassionate individual who actively listens to others’ struggles and strives to motivate them to persevere.

I am acutely conscious that I cannot escape confronting the unavoidable reality that, eventually, the repercussions of my avoidance will inevitably come back to haunt me.

However, as long as I remain dedicated to upholding my Father’s legacy, I can handle whatever challenges come my way.

As a single woman, I understand that my ultimate reliance must be on myself and my faith in a higher power.

I trust that my higher power guides my life and wholeheartedly dedicate myself to its guidance.

In everything, there must be a balance.

Natalie M Bleau

Scripture of Balance