The Sinister Voice at My Side

‘As I welcome February, I look back on the positive start to the year that was overshadowed by a challenging end to January.’

‘Greetings, February — the month where I face my biggest challenges and reclaim my strength.’

Navigating the spiritual path I’ve chosen isn’t a simple task.

It demands unwavering focus, as any lapse in attention could empower my inner struggles to reign supreme.

Lately, I’ve been feeling down and giving myself the space to dwell on negative thoughts.

I conversed with a friend experiencing similar emotions and letting others get under his skin.

I left my house to attend a meeting with the devil by my side.

My speech was nothing I had ever done, filled with seething anger and disdain.

As the meeting progressed, I needed to offer a sincere apology and rectify my previous inappropriate actions.

My frustration stemmed from my deep passion for those who remain silent in adversity.

While I will not justify my actions, I cannot offer an apology for addressing the injustices others face.

The situation could have turned worse, but instead, I found myself fixated on the words, “Be the light.”

With a sarcastic conclusion to my speech, I reluctantly allowed the meeting to continue, seething with anger beneath the surface.

I sought solace in prayer, asking God to soothe the flames of my anger, and miraculously, it did.

If it weren’t for prayer and acknowledging my faults, I don’t think I would have been able to apologise to everyone for my irrational behaviour.

I cannot solely shoulder the blame; I was merely voicing the thoughts of those who chose to remain silent.

However, the fury and hostility in my tone were not acceptable conduct.

I keep beating myself up because I am honest enough to acknowledge that the journey I’m on is far from simple, and at times, my inner demons will seize control.

Jezelle is the ominous presence that resides within me, poised to assume control whenever she pleases.

Each day, I engage in a spiritual struggle to regain authority over the person I genuinely desire to be.

Within each of us lies a balance of good and evil, but there are moments when the opposing side takes over, causing us to succumb to our darker impulses.

This is my narrative, particularly when I witness injustice being carried out. I see red.

Picture yourself in a place without authorities or established guidelines, yet specific individuals feel entitled to push the limits for their benefit.

In this scenario, non-confrontational individuals tend to voice their grievances to the wrong parties instead of directly addressing the perpetrator.

I am not responsible for carrying others on their path, but as a warrior, I am dedicated to fighting for what is right and just.

Quoting from a book is one thing, but hogging the spotlight for oneself is quite another.

Numerous individuals currently face challenges and cannot voice their issues because others who consider themselves more knowledgeable waste time with meaningless chatter.

The quiet ones depart with deep gratitude for the central narrative yet cannot release the weight of their struggles as there is no time left.

I may be at peace when things are going well, but I will not stay silent while those seeking to be heard are disregarded and overlooked.

I justify my actions by acknowledging that sometimes I feel compelled to let Jezelle take control, as she is indifferent to the consequences.

The repercussions I am referring to are the effects on my mental well-being. It is not about whether others will approve or disapprove of me. That is their choice, and I am not concerned with winning a popularity contest.

I will always fight for the rights of others and seek out new methods of achieving justice.

In everything, there must be a balance.

Natalie M Bleau

Scripture of Balance